


Homecoming

by jinyangie



Category: AB6IX (Band), CIX (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Christmasy, Hyung - Dongsaeng Relationship, M/M, i still love jinhwi, my first yoonbae woohoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:48:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21918583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinyangie/pseuds/jinyangie
Summary: Yoon Hyunsuk challenged himself to get over his feelings for Bae Jinyoung, his best friend, his favorite hyung, his most respected sunbae.The only person who ever felt like home.
Relationships: Bae Jinyoung & Lee Daehwi, Bae Jinyoung & Yoon Hyunsuk, Bae Jinyoung/Lee Daehwi, Bae Jinyoung/Yoon Hyunsuk
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	Homecoming

Bae Jinyoung was Yoon Hyunsuk’s best friend, his closest neighborhood hyung, and nothing else. But when he started having romantic feelings for the older boy, he was determined to shut it all off.

Hyunsuk gave himself a month to get over his feelings for his hyung, and it was the most challenging month of his life.

He didn’t know when or how it even started, but the moment he saw Bae Jinyoung becoming closer to someone else, he felt a pang in his heart. He considered himself as the older’s closest hoobae, but seeing his classmate Lee Daehwi grew closer to his hyung, he realized that he couldn’t bear watching them together.

So, Hyunsuk gave himself a month to move on.

Before Daehwi and his Jinyoung hyung got close, he wasn’t even brave enough to admit that he liked his hyung. He admired him ever since he met his hyung for the first time, but he wasn’t sure when he started having romantic feelings for his hyung. One day it was just there, and he didn’t know what to do with it.

Moving to Seoul from Masan during his middle school years wasn’t so bad when he met Bae Jinyoung. He wasn’t just a school sunbae—he was also a neighboorhood hyung who’s also his first friend in the unfamiliar city.

It was summertime then, and Hyunsuk’s family moved to the city just two weeks before school started. He spent all his days sulking at home, then his mother finally decided to kick him out of the house one afternoon. Hyunsuk spent the rest of the day lying on the bench at the park a couple of blocks near their apartment complex, sulking even more when he realized he left his phone at home.

He didn’t want to see his mother just yet, upset how his mother didn’t understand why he’s upset. He left behind his friends, his classmates, his whole life. He was supposed to be the captain of the basketball team in the coming school year, but his family just conveniently decided to relocate, uprooting him from the only place he considered home.

Everything was perfect, then suddenly it was not.

So Hyunsuk sulked everyday, and no motivational speech from his enthusiastic father could change his mind.

His sulking turned to napping and only a soft noise from an incoming bike woke him up. He jolted awake, surprised that his surrounding turned dark already and there’s no one but him in the park.

He didn’t know what time it was, having neither a phone nor a watch with him. When the cyclist approached the track near him, he jogged towards him.

“Excuse me. But can I ask what time it is?” Hyunsuk asked politely.

The biker stopped in front of Hyunsuk. The helmet seemed to be too big for him, making him appear younger than his age. He was also about Hyunsuk’s age and about the same height, too.

“It’s five before nine.”

Hyunsuk bowed in thanks and started walking towards home. It was his first encounter with Bae Jinyoung, and the first of many that summer.

They crossed each other’s paths a couple more times at the park that summer, usually every time Hyunsuk’s mother would kick him out and every time Jinyoung would come home from playing basketball.

But it was only when they saw each other at the convenience store near home that they started talking.

It was after Hyunsuk had dinner at home one night, and he couldn’t bear another night of watching TV with his parents (who still couldn’t understand him, by the way) that he decided to step out. There was a 24-hour convenience store right across their apartment building, and it had already been one of his favorite hideouts.

He was happily eating a Melona when Jinyoung walked in with a little girl holding on to his hand. Hyunsuk looked up and was shocked to see the boy he only kept seeing at the park. Jinyoung and the girl also looked at him. Hyunsuk bowed at the two before he went back to his Melona.

To his surprise, the little girl sat next to Hyunsuk and Jinyoung sat on his other side.

“Hello. Do you live around here?” Jinyoung asked him.

When Hyunsuk only stared at him and didn’t answer, the boy was flustered and quickly explained. “We see each other at the park. You asked me for the time that one time, remember? Then we saw each other a couple more times.”

Hyunsuk felt apologetic for not responding and said, “Ah yes, I’m sorry. I recognized you when you walked in. I live around here. I’m Yoon Hyunsuk.”

The other boy smiled. “I’m Bae Jinyoung, and that girl is Bae Jinhee. She’s my younger sister. Are you new here? We’ve lived here for about five years now, but I have only seen you recently.”

Hyunsuk felt like crying. Ever since they moved, the boy was the first one who talked to him aside from his parents and their building’s security personnel, and he wanted to open up and complain about his situation. And so he did.

Surprisingly, Jinyoung listened and even patted his back and laughed at times. And Hyunsuk poured his heart out, and while he complained about his predicament, he realized how petty he sounded and how little his problem seemed. Yet, Jinyoung and Jinhee listened to him and didn’t judge him for his petty problems.

By the end of the night, the three of them were laughing and Hyunsuk was smiling. It was the first time he smiled since he moved to Seoul.

For the rest of the summer, Hyunsuk would spend everyday with Jinyoung and sometimes with Jinhee, too. He learned that Jinyoung was actually a year older and would be entering high school in the coming school year.

Hyunsuk felt a pity that they wouldn’t be schoolmates, let alone classmates. But just knowing that he already made his first friend in Seoul was more than enough to make him happy. The older boy even invited him to play basketball with his other friends, and for Hyunsuk, that was enough for him to be eternally grateful.

Soon enough, Seoul felt like home all thanks to Jinyoung.

  
  
  


It became a habit to spend his after school hours at his hyung’s house—to eat his afternoon snacks, to finish his homework or even just to kill time before it’s time for dinner. And when he wasn’t spending his afternoon there, it was Jinyoung who would message or call him to ask where he was. Sometimes, it would even be Jinyoung’s parents looking for him.

So when Hyunsuk and Daehwi had to work on a school project, it felt natural to bring him to Jinyoung’s house and not his.

Daehwi wasn’t one of his close school friends, but they had been classmates since freshman year. They got along well that he didn’t mind introducing him to his hyung. He was one of the smart kids in class who seemed to do well not just in academics but also in extracurricular activities, pretty much Hyunsuk’s opposite who only wanted to exert minimum effort as long as he passed his subjects. But outside school, he didn’t really know much about the boy.

Jinyoung wasn’t startled at all when he saw Daehwi, as if Hyunsuk bringing in classmates was a normal occurrence.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Hyunsuk asked his hyung as he comfortably walked to the kitchen to get water for him and Daehwi.

Daehwi was left at the front door, unsure where to sit as Hyunsuk didn’t tell him where, just leaving him standing alone at the front door. He was starting to get flustered when Jinyoung approached him and introduced himself.

“I’m Bae Jinyoung, Hyunsuk’s neighborhood hyung.”

The younger boy bowed before returning the greeting. “I’m Lee Daehwi, Hyunsuk’s Chemistry lab partner. I’m sorry for intruding. When he volunteered to do the project at his place, I didn’t know we’d be doing it at somebody else’s house.”

Daehwi sheepishly smiled, but Jinyoung just laughed and shook his head. He didn’t mind it at all.

Hyunsuk came back from the kitchen and placed two glasses of water on the coffee table. “I’ll just buy some snacks. Daehwi, why don’t you make yourself comfortable first?”

When the other boy agreed, Hyunsuk left the apartment, leaving behind his classmate with his favorite hyung. He could only guess what happened during the few minutes he stepped out for a bit. He could only guess that the two probably made the kind of connection that he never made with Jinyoung.

He could only guess what would have happened if he never introduced Daehwi to Jinyoung.

When he left Daehwi alone with Jinyoung, he didn’t know that he was already giving Daehwi his world.

  
  
  
  
  


Jinyoung had always been taller than Hyunsuk—until he wasn’t.

Hyunsuk remembered looking up to him before, wondering when would he reach his height. His hyung was just a year older, but he thought it wasn’t fair how he was five centimeters taller than he was.

The older boy would frequently put his arms over his shoulder and pat his head, as if reminding Hyunsuk of how small he was. Aside from being more mature and responsible than Hyunsuk, it was this difference in height that really made Jinyoung dependable for Hyunsuk.

There was no shelf too high and no adults too grown-up as long as his Jinyoung hyung was around.

But once Hyunsuk entered high school, he had a growth spurt that instantly put him at the back of the class and made all his girl classmates suddenly a foot smaller.

Suddenly, he could look at his hyung’s face without having to look up. Suddenly, he could reach the top of his hyung’s bookself without having to tiptoe.

So when Hyunsuk tried to raise a bags of chips out of Jinyoung’s reach, he was surprised that his hyung struggled to reach it. He had to do a little hop just to reach the bag of chips on Hyunsuk’s hand. He was shocked when Jinyoung was standing straight, yet Hyunsuk had to look down in order to meet his hyung’s eyes.

It was a usual Friday night and Hyunsuk and Jinyoung were about to marathon movies until the wee hours of the morning, a ritual that they started a year ago. Jinyoung provided the movies and refreshments, while Hyunsuk brought the snacks. Sometimes JinHee would join them but she often didn’t like their movie choices.

Jinyoung proceeded to open a bag of Lays as he plopped on his bed, and Hyunsuk was still standing by the doorway, wondering when his hyung started to look small. When he started freshman year in the same high school as his hyung’s, he remembered how he was still a few centimeters shorter. And now, just a year later, he already towered over him.

With his hyung’s hair tied up in a weird apple hairstyle, wearing an overlarged sweatshirt and munching on chips and making a mess of it, his Jinyoung hyung didn’t appear older than he used to.

Suddenly, he looked like someone Hyunsuk wanted to take care of.

On instinct, he grabbed the bag of open chips from Jinyoung’s hands again. Instead of fighting him off, Jinyoung gave him a pout, his lips and cheeks covered with crumbs. Hyunsuk violently wiped off the crumbs on his hyung’s lips and scrubbed off those left on his cheeks. How Jinyoung didn’t even resist him and just let him do it infuriated Hyunsuk even more.

“Argh, hyung. Why are you such a baby?” asked Hyunsuk, plopping on the space next to Jinyoung.

Before Hyunsuk knew it, he was lying on his back with Jinyoung already on top of him, wrestling him till he couldn’t move his arms and feet.

“You may be taller now but I’m pretty sure I can still pin you down.”

Hyunsuk laughed as he desperately tried to break free from his hyung’s grasp. Despite Jinyoung’s fragile frame, he was pretty heavy and Hyunsuk could barely breathe under his weight.

Jinyoung continued to harass the younger guy, not stopping unless Hyunsuk apologized for calling him a baby. But he refused and tried to fight him off.

His hyung always played roughly. Despite looking quiet and gentle at first glance, Jinyoung could be pretty brusque and rowdy around his friends. It startled Hyunsuk at first but he quickly got used to the way the older boy played. A week wouldn’t pass without the two of them wrestling each other on the floor.

Hyunsuk hadn’t won even once. He always found himself pinned down, despite promising himself all the time that he’d get back to Jinyoung no matter what.

Jinyoung was on top of Hyunsuk, pinching the younger guy’s nose, while laughing maniacally. When Hyunsuk got the chance, he went for a counterattack, tickling his hyung on the side, which quickly caused him to be out of balance.

Just when he thought he had no choice but to surrender, Hyunsuk saw a chance and overturned his hyung. He instantly pushed Jinyoung and heaved himself on top of him. He pinned him down using his arms and triumphantly laughed as he won him over. For the first time, Hyunsuk finally won.

With his face just mere inches away from his hyung, he could clearly see each strand of Jinyoung’s eyelashes and the fine strands of his defined eyebrows. He was lost in his thoughts, as his hyung continued to struggle under him, his forehead scrunched up in concentration.

Hyunsuk wasn’t prepared for his hyung’s counterattack, when the older boy utilized their close distance and kissed Hyunsuk on the cheek, just a centimeter away from his lips.

Taken aback by the sneak attack, he quickly stood up and pushed himself off of his hyung who was laughing his head off, clearly pleased with what he did.

Hyunsuk grabbed a pillow and threw it at his hyung’s face who was still laughing. Hyunsuk’s face was red and so were his ears. To hide his reaction, he laid down on the bed and burrowed his face on the pillow.

He couldn’t understand why he was feeling hot all over and why he couldn’t stop blushing. He had wrestled with his hyung countless of times and it wasn’t like it was the first time his hyung kissed him on the cheek. But why was he reacting like a school boy with a stupid crush?  
  
  
  
  


After their movie night, Hyunsuk avoided going to Jinyoung’s place.

He couldn’t focus on a single movie, too conscious of his words and actions, too careful of his every movement. His hyung didn’t seem to notice anything, even though he didn’t move from his lying down position for a good thirty minutes.

Hyunsuk could barely remember any of the movies they watched, but he did remember falling asleep on the third one. He woke up at around four in the morning and Jinyoung was already fast asleep beside him.

He couldn’t remember lying down again on the bed, and he definitely didn’t remember a blanket being wrapped around him.

For the past couple of years, it was supposed to be a normal setup—him sleeping over at his hyung’s house, sleeping on his bed, sleeping next to him. For years, it was comfortable and familiar.

Then why were his insides suddenly churning? Why was his heart beating uncomfortably fast against his chest, when he realized that Jinyoung’s hand is lying comfortably on his stomach? Why did his hyung’s slow, hot breath on the skin of his neck sending shivers down his spine?

Hyunsuk didn’t get back to sleep. When it was light enough outside, he slowly peeled himself away from his the hyung’s embrace and slipped off the room, moving so quietly and carefully not to wake up the older boy.

The slow moment he spent waiting for the sun to rise was enough time for Hyunsuk to understand what was happening.

He fell in love with his Jinyoung hyung. It wasn’t sudden. It wasn’t immediate. It built up gradually over the years without him consciously knowing. He finally understood why he’d often squirm under his hyung’s playful hugs, why he refused to listen every time his hyung talked about his crushes, why he refused to go on a date with Jinyoung’s younger cousin, and why he turned down every confession he received since he started high school.

It was all because he was in love with his Jinyoung hyung. It took him so long to realize not because he refused to accept it, but because he was feeling it for the first time.

He didn’t know how to identify it.

And now that he knew how he felt about Jinyoung, Hyunsuk had no idea what to do with the emotions. He never liked anyone this passionately before. He thought he’d go to his hyung for advice once he finally found someone he liked. He didn’t know it would be his hyung he’d fall in love with.

He knew that confessing was something he could do. He wasn’t unfamiliar with how confessions go, having received a couple of confessions from classmates and strangers over the years. Knowing how it could be incredibly awkward (from the boys in his class) and oftentimes weepy (from the girls), Hyunsuk knew that he was not yet ready to confess.

But Jinyoung wasn’t a stranger. He wasn’t just a schoolmate. He was Hyunsuk’s best friend and his favorite hyung in the entire world.

Jinyoung was Hyunsuk’s world. He had been ever since they moved to Seoul.

And besides, Hyunsuk knew that his hyung only saw him as a younger brother he doted on. He definitely didn’t have any romantic feelings for him.

While he was figuring out what to do with these emotions keeping him up at night and zoning out in class, Hyunsuk avoided Jinyoung and everything that got to do with him for the time being. He was never confrontational, and being only 17 years old, Hyunsuk argued that he had all the excuses to be scared.

Jinyoung, on the other hand, would have none of it. It was the longest time he hadn’t seen Hyunsuk. The younger boy even managed to evade him at school. Jinyoung dropped by his class during breaktime and the younger boy was never there.

So when the middle of the week rolled in, Jinyoung dropped by Hyunsuk’s house instead.

He announced his presence with a loud shout, loud enough for Hyunsuk to be startled despite wearing a headset while lying in bed, listening to music with his eyes closed, feeling his feelings. He didn’t hear his hyung come in his room.

Rising up with a jolt after hearing the shout, Hyunsuk opened his eyes and saw Jinyoung standing by the doorway with his arms crossed.

“Are you avoiding me, Hyunsuk?”

“No.”

“Then why are you ignoring all my calls and texts? Also, it’s unusual that you didn’t hang out at home since last week.”

“Just because.”

The anger on Jinyoung’s face quickly dissipated. His glares turned into soft stares and he slowly walked towards Hyunsuk, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Then is something wrong?”

Jinyoung was looking at him so intently that Hyunsuk had to avoid his stare. He focused his attention instead on his gray bedroom slippers on the floor next to him. The slippers were already too small for him, but it was a gift from his hyung a year ago. He couldn’t bear replacing it.

“Nothing’s wrong, hyung.”

“Is it a girl?”

“What?” This time, Hyunsuk almost snapped his neck as he quickly looked up and stared at his hyung. He didn’t know where the question came from.

“Do you like someone? Is it a boy then?”

Hyunsuk shook his head and smiled. _Yes, it is a boy, hyung._

“No, hyung. I’m not in love or anything. I’m just feeling a bit under the weather.”

Sitting closely side by side, Hyunsuk realized that even when sitting down, he was already taller than his hyung. He could easily wrap him up in his arms and never let him go. And if he told his hyung right there and then the real reason why he was acting that way, he’d probably spend the next few hours with him, trying to process it with him.

Even if Jinyoung didn’t feel the same way, Hyunsuk knew that he’d be understanding and patient and would listen to everything he had to say. And for that, he knew that it’s the kind of relationship that he couldn’t afford to lose. Because of that, he knew that he might get rejected, but he definitely wouldn’t be able to get rid of his emotions.

So instead of telling the truth, he said, “I’m just really tired lately, hyung. Can I just rest today? I promise to call you when I’m ready to talk.”

Jinyoung just nodded and squeezed his shoulder. “I was worried, Hyunsuk. I just wanted to know you’re okay. If there’s anything you want to talk about, you know hyung’s always willing to listen, right?”

Hyunsuk knew this full well. He nodded, and Jinyoung finally left.

  
  
  
  
  


For two days, Hyunsuk skipped school. He told his mother that he was feeling sick, but Hyunsuk just wanted to avoid everyone.

He wasn’t ready to face his feelings, and he wasn’t ready to face his hyung.

For two days, he stayed at home alone with his thoughts, which probably wasn’t a good idea when he wasn’t even sure what to do with it.

Should he just bury it? Would it disappear if he just willed it to be gone?

He knew love doesn’t work that way. No one could unlove anyone just because they wanted to. He couldn’t unlike his hyung just because he wanted to. But he also decided that it wasn’t something that his hyung could ever know.

He would wait. He had to believe that it would one day disappear, as gradually as it appeared. In the meantime, he’d pretend that he wasn’t in love with his hyung. But for now, he just needed to be alone and sort out his feelings.

So when Bae Jinyoung appeared in his room again, this time with his classmate Lee Daehwi, Hyunsuk knew that all this forgetting and all this waiting would be torturous. But if it meant staying in his hyung’s life, Hyunsuk was willing.

“You look like a mess. Have you even taken a bath?” Jinyoung’s nose was scrunched as he eyed Hyunsuk up and down.

He hadn’t taken a shower yet but he swore that he was planning to before they arrived. He was sitting on his desk chair while playing a computer when the two suddenly barged in. He was wearing a ratty, old shirt, and his hair was pushed back with his mother’s headband.

Before, he wouldn’t have cared how he looked. But today, in front of his hyung and Lee Daehwi wearing a spotless and creaseless uniform, Hyunsuk wished he had taken a bath.

“Hello, Hyunsuk. Just so you know I’m not judging you,” said Daehwi, all the while eyeing his getup.

Hyunsuk thought he was definitely being judged. He didn’t really think much about Daehwi. He was an okay classmate who did well in school but didn’t really suck up to teachers, which Hyunsuk appreciated. And he knew that even though he was caught not looking sick at all, the boy wouldn’t snitch to their homeroom teacher.

And yet, the sight of Lee Daehwi standing close to Jinyoung—too close—was enough to infuriate Hyunsuk.

“What’s up?” he asked as nonchalantly as possible.

Jinyoung and Daehwi walked into the room, the former heading straight to lie down on the bed and the former approached Hyunsuk.

Daehwi opened his bag and handed Hyunsuk a notebook. Upon realizing what it was, he felt embarrassed for pretending to be sick and bothering his classmate like this. Though they could just send the notes to him via email, their homeroom teacher wanted to keep the tradition of classmates checking on sick classmates and lending notes. He believed that it developed better relationships among classmates.

While Hyunsuk appreciated where his teacher was coming from, he just felt humiliation for being caught in the act.

“I’m sorry you have to go all the way here for this,” said Hyunsuk, feeling too ridiculous to face his classmate.

But Daehwi just shook his head, “I don’t mind. I don’t have to go to the academy today anyway. I have nothing else to do.”

“Then you should hang with us.”

Hyunsuk quickly turned towards Jinyoung who was already flipping through one of his manga books.

“Hyunsuk and I will just probably have some snacks then watch a movie. If you have nothing else to do, you can stay.” said Jinyoung, smiling from ear to ear.

Daehwi just stared back not answering. Then he turned to look at Hyunsuk who was still staring at Jinyoung. When he felt Daehwi’s stare bore on him, he felt obliged to speak.

“Yeah, stay if you want.”

“Okay.”

A smile finally appeared on Daehwi’s face, which Hyunsuk rarely saw when they were in school. Once he finally realized that Jinyoung and Daehwi weren’t going anywhere soon, he stood up and went to the kitchen to prepare food for the two. They were already talking about what movie to watch, and Hyunsuk felt weird hearing the two of them talk comfortably, like they already know each other well enough.

He cooked ramen in the kitchen while straining to hear the muffled conversation coming from his room. Jinyoung had been friendly for as long as he could remember so he couldn’t see anything peculiar from the way he was acting. Daehwi, on the other hand, didn’t seem like someone who’d casually hang out at a classmate’s house, especially someone he wasn’t close with.

He tried not to think too much of it, but apparently, when you like someone you develop the tendency to overthink. So when he left the two again to take a quick shower, he kept wondering what they were talking about and how were they getting along.

Hyunsuk couldn’t focus on the movie, and he was just glad that they have decided to watch something he already watched. So instead of watching the movie, he watched the other two, even when didn’t want to.

He noticed how Jinyoung was leaning against the wall during the start of the movie, but by the end of it, he was already sitting closely next to Daehwi, with no space in between. He noticed how the older brunette would watch Daehwi’s reaction every time he’d find something funny or interesting in the movie. He noticed how Jinyoung smiled when Daehwi smiled.

He noticed too much. He wondered if he was that obvious, too.

As the room darkened while the sun set, Hyunsuk realized then that he was watching the person he loved fall in love with someone else. While the sun set, he heard his heart breaking into a thousand little pieces.

  
  
  
  
  


Hyunsuk felt like he was daydreaming. He regularly went through the motions of his daily life, but none of it felt real. None of it really mattered.

He’d go to school, attend class, then go to Jinyoung’s house after school. His hyung didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss, and his hyung seemed a lot perkier and brighter lately. In fact, He was humming a song when they were walking to school.

It was just a regular Thursday, and Hyunsuk was still pretending that nothing’s different and he was perfectly fine even if everything definitely wasn’. Just as he thought, just waiting for the feelings to disappear wouldn’t be easy.

“Hyunsuk-ah, should we watch a movie this Saturday? Makoto Shinkai’s _Weathering With You_ is showing locally this week.”

He looked up from his Math homework and stared at his hyung. He already knew where the conversation was going.

“It’s by the same director as _Your Name_. Remember that movie? We watched it last time with Daehwi.”

Hyunsuk nodded, “Yeah, I remember.”

Then silence.

It felt like Jinyoung wanted to say something as he pursed his lips, opened it, and then closed it again. Hyunsuk couldn’t remember his hyung looking this nervous, and he wondered if he even saw him nervous ever.

“Hyung, should we invite Daehwi?”

“Should we?”

Hyunsuk shrugged. “Well, he loved _Your Name_ , didn’t he? He might like this one, too.”

“Well, I guess we can invite him.”

“Okay, I’ll tell him tomorrow.”

Hyunsuk returned to his Math homework, avoiding looking at his hyung. Even without seeing it, he could feel Jinyoung smiling, probably glad and relieved that Hyunsuk brought it up first.

He heard his hyung walk to the kitchen and get himself some water. He was humming.  
  
  
  
  


Hyunsuk didn’t know what he expected would happen if the three of them watched the movie together.

Did he actually think it would be comfortable? Did he believe that he wouldn’t mind so much? Did he expect himself to be a hundred percent okay about it?

He felt like a noble idiot, and he knew that by inviting Daehwi, he was pretty much giving up on Jinyoung. He knew his hyung liked Daehwi, and he already had an inkling that his classmate liked his hyung, too.

He chastised himself for playing the bridge when he should instead be fighting for a chance.

They decided to watch the movie on a Friday night, and that meant Jinyoung would be coming from art school. Right after classes, Hyunsuk and Daehwi went ahead to the theater first to get the tickets, and they were relieved that there were seats left.

Hyunsuk was supposed to book it the night before but he completely forgot about it. Or maybe, he was partly wishing that it wouldn’t push through. He was half relieved, half frustrated that they still managed to get tickets, though one person would need to sit separately.

They decided to grab dinner first while waiting for Jinyoung and for the movie to start. It was the first time that he hung out with Daehwi with just the two of them. He thought it would be awkward but he apparently had more similarities and interests with the class genius than he expected.

Hyunsuk was happy to talk about anything as long as it wasn’t related to Jinyoung, so he was bummed when Daehwi brought him up.

“How long have you known Jinyoung hyung? You two seem like brothers.”

_Brothers._ Hyunsuk almost choked on his bubble milk tea.

He took his time to answer, mostly because he didn’t want to talk about Jinyoung. “About three or four years? He was my first friend in Seoul, and we met on my first summer here. He has always been nice and he’s a really good hyung.”

Daehwi smiled, as if thinking about a younger Jinyoung interested him so much. “It must be nice to have someone like him as a close hyung. I don’t really have older friends.”

This time, Hyunsuk really scoffed. “But hyung is seriously like a kid that it doesn’t really feel like he’s older.”

The other boy just nodded, as if choosing to ignore this statement, refusing to hear any slander against the older guy. Suddenly Hyunsuk felt guilty. He really depended a lot on his hyung and it didn’t feel right that he tried to downplay their relationship.

“Hyung can be pretty crazy sometimes, and he can also be really immature. But he’s my best friend, and I guess it’s true that I’m lucky that I have him.”

But it was also this close relationship that’s causing so much turmoil for Hyunsuk. If only they weren’t so close. If only he didn’t value the friendship a little too much.

As if reading his mind, Daehwi said, “You like Jinyoung hyung.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement, and the way Daehwi looked at Hyunsuk, he knew that he could deny this truth but he wouldn’t be believed.

So in response, Hyunsuk replied, “And you like him, too.”

Daehwi nodded, not even denying or hesitating one bit. It was the courage Hyunsuk was lacking, and it was this lack of courage Hyunsuk believed why he didn’t deserve Jinyoung.

He was a coward for not wanting to take that one step closer to Jinyoung, because he’d really rather be a coward than to lose it all.

  
  
  
  
  


When they had to complete another Chemistry exercise, Daehwi suggested to do it again at Hyunsuk’s place since it was nearer to their school.

It was a subtle suggestion, but Hyunsuk could easily see through his motive. He felt like a selfish and jealous genius when he decided to do it at their home instead of Jinyoung’s, unlike last time. He knew that Daehwi only suggested to do it at Hyunsuk’s house in order to see Jinyoung.

Hyunsuk decided not to pursue the older boy, but it didn’t mean he’d help out anyone to pursue his hyung. He was a coward, but he wasn’t that stupid.

For the past few weeks, Hyunsuk no longer avoided Jinyoung, but he also didn’t see him as much as he used to. Exam season was coming quickly and Hyunsuk finally had an excuse to focus on his academics. He skipped classes way too many times this semester (because he was love sick), and he spent way too much time daydreaming in class (again, because he was love sick). He wasn’t surprised that he had a lot to catch up to.

Despite being a senior student, Jinyoung didn’t seem busy and still had a lot of free time. He was already done with his SATs, and even before that, a renowned art school already scouted him. His future was pretty much secure already, and he was just waiting for the end of the school year.

So when his hyung sent him a message asking him where he was, Hyunsuk wasn’t surprised. The older boy was always asking to hang out.

What took Hyunsuk by surprise was Jinyoung’s next message.

“ _Is Daehwi with you?”_

Before Hyunsuk replied, he noticed Daehwi looking at him. When their eyes met, the other boy quickly averted his gaze and went back to his workbook. Hyunsuk didn’t want to reply but he did anyway.

It took less than a minute for his hyung’s reply to arrive, informing the younger boy that he was coming over. Hyunsuk felt sick to his stomach. He felt his face turning red and he felt irritation towards the boy sitting in front of him. Daehwi did nothing wrong, technically, but he still couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was being used.

He stood up and went to the restroom to clear his mind. He didn’t know how to face the situation. Despite trying to bury his feelings for the past month, he was far from successful.

He knew they liked each other, and when he did nothing after finding out, and even encouraging that stupid movie where he stupidly volunteered to sit alone so they could sit together, he pretty much gave up his shot with Jinyoung.

Now his hyung was coming over, and it was no longer because of him but because of Daehwi. That fact alone made Hyunsuk sick to his stomach. He felt like throwing up as his chest tightened. He had been hurting the past few weeks, but he didn’t expect it to hurt this much.

From the bathroom, Hyunsuk heard the front door open and he knew it was Jinyoung who knew their house’s passcode. He could hear the two talking already, and hearing Jinyoung’s easy laughter definitely didn’t help Hyunsuk feel better.

After calming himself and trying to be as composed as possible, he finally exited the bathroom. Jinyoung and Daehwi barely noticed him as he walked in. Daehwi was sitting on the floor as they decided to do the lab exercises on the coffee table, while Jinyoung was seated comfortably on the sofa. They were sitting apart, but their body was turned towards each other.

Even when Hyunsuk finally sat down, the two barely spared him a glance as they carried on with their conversation. He had to clear his throat before his hyung acknowledged him.

Seeing his Jinyoung hyung smiled used to make him happy, but when his hyung smiled at his direction, he knew then that he was no longer the reason for his smile.

“I’m just here to give Daehwi something. I promised to lend him some books about Japanese animation,” explained Jinyoung.

Hyunsuk nodded, not really caring for the reason, because he knew that it was just an excuse. He knew that Jinyoung was just there to see Daehwi, and Daehwi was just there to see Jinyoung. And Hyunsuk provided them a convenient excuse to see each other.

“I’ll leave you two to your homework. I’ll just hang out in your room first, Hyunsuk. I’m tired.”

Jinyoung stood up, stretching as he crossed to the room to get to Hyunsuk’s room. All this time, Hyunsuk watched Daehwi as he watched Jinyoung’s back, a small smile creeping on his face. For a moment Hyunsuk wanted to confront his classmate but didn’t exactly know what to say. So he just let it go, knowing that nothing he could say could do anything.

Daehwi liked his hyung, and it’s obvious that his hyung liked Daehwi. Hyunsuk just didn’t fit in the equation.

  
  
  
  


It had been more than an hour since Daehwi left his house, and it had been more than an hour, too, since Jinyoung made a lousy excuse of needing to go to the convenience store. The two left the house together, and Hyunsuk wondered if they really looked guilty, or he was just adding colors to their little actions.

Hyunsuk laid down on his bed, wondering what he should do.

He had the disillusions that his first love would be cute and sweet, and thought that it would end in a sad note, just like any other first love, but nothing too heart crushing. He didn’t expect it to paralyze him and render him speechless and helpless. He didn’t expect it to be this lonely.

Maybe it’s because when he was dreaming of falling in love with the first time, he was imagining it to be with someone he barely knew. He didn’t expect it to be with his best friend, his hyung.

He was wishing the feelings to go away ever since he realized it, but he knew wouldn’t just disappear just because he wanted to. In situations where Hyunsuk had no idea what to do, it was usually Jinyoung who’d help him out. But not this time, not when he was the problem.

The skies outside had already turned dark when the door to his room opened and his hyung appeared freezing on the doorway. He was shivering as he stepped inside Hyunsuk’s room, speckles of snow on his hair, lips almost blue from the cold. But despite that, he was grinning as he hugged himself, throwing himself on the bed, next to Hyunsuk, laughing as the younger boy immediately scooted over to make room for his hyung.

Jinyoung heaved a heavy, contented sigh as Hyunsuk threw the blanket over him, warmth finally enveloping his body. He was still grinning from ear to ear, humming what sounds like _Santa Tell Me_.

“Did it suddenly snow outside? Where’s your coat?” asked Hyunsuk.

For awhile Jinyoung stopped humming and said, “It started snowing when I was walking Daehwi to the bus stop. He didn’t have a coat with him so I let him have mine.”

Hyunsuk shouldn’t have asked, because the answer was already so obvious. He just wanted to ask his hyung if he liked Daehwi without directly asking him the question.

“You walked him to the bus stop?”

Jinyoung just nodded, smiling, as if admitting a little secret. Hyunsuk had never seen him this giddy and excited before, not even when he dated the school president shortly early this year. Not even when Jinyoung developed a stupid crush on one of his academy instructors. Only now. Only with Daehwi.

“Why did you have to walk him?”

This time, Jinyoung stopped smiling. The two of them were lying on the bed, and Hyunsuk realized that it was the first time in a long time that they had looked at each other eye to eye. He was already way taller than his hyung that oftentimes he had to stare down. Hyunsuk didn’t break the eye contact, but he could see his hyung wavering.

Hyunsuk never felt uncomfortable being extremely close with his hyung. Even now when their faces were just inches apart, it wasn’t nervousness he was feeling. It was longing and yearning and the desire to close the gap between, to move just a tiny bit closer.

When Jinyoung still didn’t answer, he asked again, “Why did you walk him to the bus stop, hyung?”

A pause. Then an answer, “Because I like Daehwi, Hyunsuk. I really, really like him.”

It broke Hyunsuk’s heart to hear his hyung answer with conviction and with all seriousness, as if he was confessing it to Daehwi himself and not just admitting it to Hyunsuk. His eyes were glistening, and Hyunsuk knew it was due to overwhelming emotions.

Just like him, his hyung was falling in love for the first time, too. He hated how he could understand how his hyung was feeling, because he was going through the same thing. The only difference was there was no one to catch Hyunsuk. There was no one to reciprocate his feelings.

After a long silence, Hyunsuk finally had enough courage to talk without his voice breaking.

“Hyung.”

“Yes, Hyunsuk?”

Slowly, with his heart beating a lot faster than he anticipated, Hyunsuk finally said, “I will always want you to be happy. But this time, I don’t think it’s possible for me to cheer you on.”

Jinyoung’s eyebrows furrowed, staring at Hyunsuk’s face, completely surprised with his _dongsaeng_ ’s statement. “What do you mean, Hyunsuk?”

“I mean, I won’t say anything about you dating Daehwi, but I’d be lying if I say I’m okay with it. I’ll be lying if I say I am happy for you. You can date him, but I’d appreciate it if we don’t talk about it.”

This obviously didn’t explain anything, and Jinyoung continued looking at Hyunsuk, his eyes full of questions.

“But why? Don’t you like Daehwi?” asked Jinyoung.

The answer was caught on Hyungsuk’s throat. The answer was so simple, but Hyunsuk still couldn’t answer. There was a tight knot in his stomach, and as much as he tried, he couldn’t get a word out. Maybe because the truth had so much weight, and no words could fully explain to Jinyoung what Hyunsuk meant.

So when words failed him, Hyunsuk did the most irrational alternative to explain it to Jinyoung. Leaning in closer, finally closing the gap between, closing his eyes before going in to further crush his heart, Hyunsuk kissed Jinyoung lightly on the lips, letting the kiss last more than a second before finally pulling away.

Jinyoung looked at him, shock with what happened. Hyunsuk gave him a sad smile, touching the older boy’’s cheek, before finally, finally saying, “Because I think I love you, hyung.”

Hyunsuk didn’t expect a response from Jinyoung, and he knew that he preferred for Jinyoung not to say anything at all. He crossed the line he told himself that he’d never cross. He wasn’t sure what would happen next and how his relationship with his hyung would change moving forward. No matter what it would be, he knew it would be for the worst and he wasn’t ready for it.

When Hyunsuk still didn’t hear an answer from his hyung, he slowly turned away from his hyung and faced the wall of his room instead. Looking at the shocked and sad look on his hyung’s face hurt more than he thought it would, so he’d rather not see.

Minutes turned to hours and neither of them had spoken nor moved from their position. Time had stopped moving for Hyunsuk, and he dreaded when it would start moving again.

When Hyunsuk’s mom knocked on the door to announce that dinner was ready, that’s the only time it felt like the world was spinning again. It was the signal they were waiting for.

In the stillness of the room, in the quiet hum of Christmas carols coming from outside Hyunsuk’s room, Jinyoung’s voice floated, saying the words that only punctured more holes in his heart. Saying the same words he uttered earlier, but meaning something entirely different.

“I love you, too, Hyunsuk. Always.”

And with that, Jinyoung slipped away from the bed, slowly walked out of the room, and gradually exited Hyunsuk’s life.

  
  
  
  


It took Hyunsuk approximately three and a half years to get over Jinyoung, and unfortunately, it took a lot of effort from his end, including moving away from the place he already considered home.

Months after Hyunsuk’s little kiss and confession, Jinyoung made countless tries to try and preserve their hyung and dongsaeng relationship, but Hyunsuk was too determined to stay as far as possible. He was bitter and jealous, and he didn’t want to be around his hyung when he was being like that.

He wanted to get over his hyung first before he’d attempt to reconcile and patch their now ruined friendship. Hyunsuk just didn’t realize that it would take him so long.

It was probably luck on his side, too, and his hyung eventually graduated so Hyunsuk never had to see him in school again. He did know that Jinyoung and Daehwi only officially started going out after his hyung’s graduation. Some details he got from Jinhee, who still spent a lot of time with Hyunsuk. But for the important details, Hyunsuk didn’t bother prying.

When it was Hyunsuk’s turn to go to college, thankfully, he had the chance to attend a prestigious school outside Seoul. He finally had a good enough reason to avoid his hyung, who at that time was still attempting to reconnect with him from time to time. Hyunsuk almost gave in one time, but when he accidentally saw the two together, looking so annoyingly in love, the pain was too severe that he knew he still couldn’t face his hyung like the old Hyunsuk.

It was awful when he realized that the person who helped him consider Seoul home was the main reason why he decided to leave home.

A life void of his hyung was a lot of getting used to, and it was only then that Hyunsuk realized he was too dependent on him. But since his last few months in Seoul was mostly spent brooding and avoiding places he might see the couple, finally adjusting to university life was suddenly an exciting prospect.

Months turned into years and Hyunsuk was finally a happy college student, whose first love no longer bugged him every day and no longer kept him awake every night. From time to time, he’d remember his hyung, but there was no longer that longing that plagued his thoughts days on end. He didn’t know when it started, but Hyunsuk could suddenly reminisce about his high school days and remember his hyung without feeling as if his heart was being ripped out off his chest.

So when his mother called him, asking if he could attend Christmas Eve dinner this year unlike years before when he obviously made excuses to miss it, Hyunsuk finally said yes.

The Bae and Yoon households celebrated a lot of occasions together, including Christmas and New Year. The friendship that started with the kids extended to the parents. When Hyunsuk decided to avoid Jinyoung, he knew it included avoiding many joint dinners, too.

But this time, he knew he could finally join Christmas dinner without wanting to just crawl under the table just to avoid seeing Jinyoung.

A day before Christmas, Hyunsuk boarded the earliest trip to Seoul so he could also be just in time for lunch. He hadn’t been home since the semester started, causing his mother to call him incessantly, asking if he could probably allow himself to visit home twice a month.

Hyunsuk was humming Last Christmas under his breath as he went up the hill heading to their apartment complex, tracing the familiar steps, passing the same streets he did in his high school days. Though he spent more years in Masan growing up, it was his memories and experiences in this Seoul neighborhood that shaped him.

It was already snowing when he got off the bus, but instead of walking quickly to get home sooner, Hyunsuk took his time, taking in everything and noticing the littlest of changes in the streets that were once his turf.

When he turned the corner finally leading to his street, he saw Jinyoung coming out of the convenience store where they had their first real conversation.

Excitement bubbled inside Hyunsuk and before he knew it, he was running and shouting towards the older boy he hadn't seen in ages.

“Jinyoung hyung!”

His hyung turned around, looking for the cause of the commotion. He didn’t age much, and the only apparent change from his appearance was the long bangs that barely showed his eyes. He brushed off his fringe as he spotted Hyunsuk running towards him. 

Jinyoung grinned widely, and instead of waiting for Hyunsuk, he jogged towards the younger boy, too. When they reached each other, he pulled Hyunsuk into a brotherly hug, laughing and smiling as the younger boy, who was already inches taller than him, also hugged him back.

It didn’t matter that the snow was falling a lot stronger and they were standing in the middle of the street, albeit empty. It had been years since they saw each other, since Hyunsuk allowed Jinyoung anywhere near him, and not even a snowstorm could interfere with their reunion.

As his hyung once again tightened his hug, Jinyoung whispered, "Welcome back."

Hyunsuk didn’t have to answer his hyung, because they both already knew. Hyunsuk was finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas~!ヽ(〃v〃)ﾉﾟ
> 
> I've been meaning to write a sweet Jinhwi fic for Christmas, but this one has been sitting in my drafts since September and I decided to just finish it. I didn't really plan how it will end, so I'm just glad that it somehow fits the season.
> 
> Dear reader, I wish you a happy Christmas, and may you be able to spend it at home or with anyone who feels like home. It'll be a sad Christmas for me, so I gave Hyunsuk a happy and warm ending, because it's one I want for myself, too.
> 
> Thank you for reading! ❤
> 
> P.S. I can't remember Jinyoung's sister's real name lol  
> P.P.S. It's so long and I tried to edit as much as I can (I got too lazy after the nth reread huhu). I'm pretty sure I missed tons of mistakes. Apologies for that and please let me know if you spot any!


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